It's Complicated
by qwerty1313
Summary: post 'Beat the Devil' Gillian is pulling away from Cal after Helen's warning, and he decides to do something about it.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I read the quote below, and this just came to me. It's set a few weeks after Beat The Devil.

"_Nothing is so strong_ as _gentleness_, _nothing so gentle as real strength_". St. Francis de Sales

Disclaimer in bio

CHAPTER 1

As he watched her walk away with just a simple "good night," he felt the anger well up inside himself. She had been getting distant for the past two weeks, ever since the Martin Walker case. _she probably got a new guy in her life.. doesn't have time for you anymore._ This made him even angrier than he'd been at the thought of her staying away from him. _Well its your own fault, you shoved Helen in her face, maybe she finally decided to get back out into the dating field. _

He ended up at a bar close to her house, ordering drink after drink, not even slowing down until the bartender cut him off some hours later.

"you want me to call someone for you, or a cab maybe?" the nice bartender asked.

"Naw, s'okay, I'm walking." And he didn't correct the bartender's assumption that he himself lived nearby.

As soon as he arrived at Gillian's house, he began pounding on the door, ignoring, or not caring that it was two in the morning, and her neighbors wouldn't appreciate the noise. She opened the door in under thirty seconds, apparently trying to keep the disruption to a minimum.

As soon as he was in the house, he slammed his hands into the wall on either side of her head, forcing her against it, and leaving only an inch or two between them. "you got a new man? A new bloke?" he slurred. "he been keeping you busy eh?" she glared up at him, a look of surprise on her face. "Cal, you're drunk, and you're not making sense." she softly put a hand on his arm. "Look, how about you stay here tonight, and we can talk-"

"We can talk now, I'm bloody tired of you avoiding me!" Gillian tried to get out from his arms. "I'm not having this discussion now, Cal, either leave or stay, but I'm not talking about this with you until you're sober."

This time she pushed against his arm hard enough to get free for a second. He saw the relief on her face from that freedom, then the fear when he grabbed her arm to keep her from escaping. "here's the deal love, we can stay here all night, or you can tell me the truth about why you've been avoiding me, and we can both go to sleep at a somewhat reasonable time." He saw the anger flash across her face, and the slight fear that was mixed in.

"just let it go Cal, please? I really don't want to talk about this while you're drunk, you will blow everything out of proportion." She hoped he would drop it. She didn't want him thinking that she wanted him, and she was sure that was what he would read into her attempts to distance herself if he had all the facts.

Her last words cemented his suspicion in his mind. She WAS seeing somebody.

A small part of him in the back of his mind was warning him. If he kept treating her as he was, he would lose her for good. It stood back disgusted as he slammed her back into the wall with a little more force than was necessary when she tried to get away from him again. It watched in repulsion as the fear overtook the anger, then as she smoothed out the emotions on her face so he was left staring into the blank eyes that used to be endless depths of caring and compassion.

A/N: AHHH, I love angst...


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I _was _going to wait until tomorrow to write this next bit, but all the positive feedback persuaded me to get this published tonight.

disclaimer in bio

CHAPTER 2

_What is that? What is she doing? _He'd seen many cases of abuse where the victim would completely shut down, to protect themselves, but he couldn't comprehend why Gillian was doing it. He stepped back immediately, giving her some space, and waiting for the old Gillian to come back, deciding to file that little bit of information away for later.

She took a deep breath, and smoothed out her dress, still keeping her emotions off her face. She didn't want him to know that she was afraid of him, because she knew that would devastate him. And although she was mad at him for barging into her house in the middle of the night, she didn't want to hurt him.

This was why she was refusing to talk with him right now. She didn't want him to jump to conclusions and storm off before she had a chance to explain, as she knew he would if she told him why she had been keeping her distance from him lately.

He would just assume, as he had, that she was seeing someone, because of what Helen had told her. And she wanted to save him from himself, from his thoughts, from his self-loathing, that she knew would be present after she told him why she was staying away.

So she decided to completely change the subject.

"if you're looking for someone to pay attention to you, taking your anger out on me is not the way to do it." she said, turning the conversation towards his actions, and away from her.

He took another step back, realizing that, as usual, she saw him better than he himself did, and that that was exactly what he'd been doing. He brought his hand up to his forehead, trying to massage away the pain that was starting to take up residence there. _stupid bloody alcohol_, he thought to himself glumly.

"I'm sorry love, I don't know what I was thinking." he apologized, completely repentant.

"I'll just go…" he let his sentence trail off, and turned around, heading to the door, but was stopped by the light touch of Gillian's hand on his arm. He tried not to compare her gentle touch to his violent one just minutes ago, and failed miserably. He looked away, knowing guilt and shame were written all over his face.

She touched his cheek, turning it so they were eye to eye again.

"Hey, It's okay," she reassured him, and he knew she wasn't just talking about him leaving. "You don't need to go. Just stay in my spare room, and I promise we will talk in the morning, I just don't want to do it while you're drunk." _'and thinking irrationally'_ she added silently.

"So you'd rather talk when I'm hung-over?" he tried to joke, but it sounded miserable even to his own ears.

She took his hand, gently again, and led him to the spare bedroom.

"the bed is already made." and with that she left him alone.

She got a bottle of water and two capsules of tylenol, then returned to 'his' room, giving them to him before saying good night. A completely Gillian thing to do, taking care of him when he knew he didn't deserve it.

As she headed to her own room, she tried not to think of how much she was dreading the morning, and the conversation that would come with it.

A/N: yes, another short one, but hey, I'm publishing pretty consistently. so far. If all goes well, another chapter should be up tomorrow. Get ready for 'the conversation' (ominous music playing) ;)


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